i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
