At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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