whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
