another moral hangover. fuck.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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