I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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