id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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