It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
