So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
