that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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