uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
