I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
