yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
