fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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