Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
