Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
