And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
