If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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