I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
