1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
