He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
