don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
