hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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