I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
