I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
