You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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