JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
