some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
