just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
