I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
