your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You can't special order awesome
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
