I have demons in me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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