I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
