man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
