we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
