u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
