How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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