Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
