Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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