He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
