Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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