He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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