it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's shark week go big or go home
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
