i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can vaginas get frostbite?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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