I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
