Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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