i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
