Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
