Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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