there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
