I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
