She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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